On being 40 ...

They say that love is overrated .. Perhaps, yes. Just think that you cannot mold gold into something very pretty and exquisite if you do not heat it to melt it.

I am excited to go home on the 19th. It is my parent's 40th wedding anniversary on the 20th of this month and I heard that they want to renew their vows.

According to my dad, their marriage was not one made from heaven. Everyone in the clan knows that my mom is really tough, they say she's a real pain in the ass, stubborn and a bully. Through my Lola's story I learned that my mom's playmates will go home with their noses bleeding or their clothes torn after a fight. Stories that I do not actually believe because she is one soft person to me, very compassionate, caring and thoughtful. She gets us all four of her kids ready for school in a couple of hours (with the aid of my dad of course, he handles the cooking while my mom does all the school work and the clothes). Plus she has to work to send all of us to school.

My Lola told me that when my dad was asking for my mom's hand in marriage, Lola told my dad that Constance (my mom) is one tough nut to crack, oftentimes pushy and very stubborn. My Lola asked him if he can handle that. My dad still said yes...

For my dad, it is with my mom that he felt that it is time to stop running around. He loves my mom and he decided that he will spend the rest of his life with this woman... To make the story short, my dad experienced all what Lola told him about my mom. After giving birth, my mom will do nothing. All household chores are relegated to my dad for 4 months. He washes all the clothes (including diapers that has baby poop on it), cooks and cleans the house while my mom takes care of the baby. My mom said she did not hear any complains from my dad. Well, maybe it was his decision to take care of all the things that needs to be done inside the house. Nobody told him to .... he just did. They almost broke up but decided to get back together. My dad said he cannot leave my mom because he cannot imagine himself growing old without her... My dad got hospitalized and was diagnosed with acute lymphoma. My mom never left his side.

Until now I still see them tickling each other (at the kitchen) or their eyes will meet and they'll both smile. They still eat together nya dugay mahuman ang dinner or lunch kay nagtabi pa silang duha, giggling while talking.... My dad is 67 and mom is 64.

I have three siblings and we grew up complete. The girls and the youngest guy have mom's temperament. My kuya has my dad's soft character.... If I need to say something to my Nanay and Tatay, that would be Thank You...... because I am whole.

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men… by Aileen Endaya

1. A man won’t let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hang up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn’t guard him enough or you didn’t make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn’t have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your “supposedly” perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you’d go for a guy. It’s perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it’s worth it. And it’s worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don’t be scared that he’ll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It’s a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it’s the guy who’s calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it’s a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can (*wink*).

Also, do not believe him when he says it’s just the way he really is. He’s not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can’t get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can’t leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl’s man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don’t be afraid to be single.

It’s fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn’t give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don’t be a nagger. Don’t hinder his gimmicks. Don’t give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don’t be easy. Don’t be like every other girl he had in his life.

========

Thanks to Jeby Dayola...

Sin... A discussion with a mouse

A tumid thing to talk about because who is without it... Aye! The first sentence is a statement, no intentions whatsoever, hidden or otherwise, to make it interrogative in a manner or so implicitly as with the subject itself. Now, straight to the discussion with a clown, or a mouse, not sure eh ... I am sorry he seems disfigured that I cannot make up what form he is taking, albeit I can see him standing in front of me. Weird isn't it? I am affirmative into saying that I am not intoxicated, nauseous or suffering from any maladie that could hinder my mind from functioning with logic. I can assure you that I am prudent and this article I owe to the clown or the mouse or whatever he is, though I need prodding to write this discussion (pray, hear me that it was not a discussion, as it appears to me for it was just him who's babbling..) down. For whatever reason he made this discussion, I honestly cannot fathom .

He said (holding the Bible ...) under Proverbs 6:16-19, it is stated that "These six things doth the Lord hate:yea, seven are an abomination unto him.." Here it is as enumerated:
= (17) A proud look
= a lying tongue
= and hands that shed innocent blood
=(18) A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations
= feet that be swift in running to mischief
= (19) A false witness that speaketh lies,
= and he that soweth discord among brethren.

He further added that there is no where in the Bible where the traditional deadly "seven sins' are located or listed, but a given that they are all condemned in various parts along with several others. The only one clear thing in the Bible is that there is only one cardinal sin, an act that disobeys God's law that separates man from a perfect God, placing him in need of redemption and salvation. In another article by Dante Alighieri, basing his thoughts on St. Thomas Aquinas dissertation (the mouse or clown does not want to name the literature where this so-called dissertation is included...), hubris or vanity (pride) is considered as the most serious of the seven deadly sins. The need to feel more important than the others. Dante's definition for pride is stated as "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbor."

The clown ... er ... mouse, whatsoever, further now into the discussion cited Bishop Gianfranco Girotti's (head of the Apostolic Penitentiary of the Vatican..) seven modern sins : environmental pollution, obscene wealth, infliction of poverty, drug trafficking, morally debatable experiments, and the violation of the fundamental rights of human nature. There is also a new set of sins in the book of Galatians (5:21 of the New Testament): envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like, as I have told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. The list of the so-called deadly sins is getting longer and longer. I am getting wheezy now.

Whoah...Stop, please hold your thoughts, I told the mouse .. or the clown, whatever.... just what are you trying to insinuate? I asked him ...

He just smiled and blurted a question (instead of an answer) ... Who proposes the criteria of sin? ... I said people.
He laughed ... And to who do you think these criteria are imposed on? ... I said on people...

Then he gave me a toothy grin ... He has become more like a clown now that he is grinning... He stood up laughing and took his leave... His laugh echoing along the walls wherein landscape paintings hang.

haunted people ....

She seemed to be suspended in eerie silence. All walled up in a world that is vast yet empty... Walls she herself made. Hoping to drown the loud crack of lighting outside and rain. It's just so dark ... so dark.

She ran away when she was just 14. Left a home that is cold and has never been like a home to her. Lived in the city and tried her best to live the life she wanted. Living on money sent by an aunt. She made ends meet by skipping meals and walking from a rented place to her school. She went to college and finished her major. Made friends and loved a guy. Now she can't even remember her mom's face...

She has a sister... biologically they were sisters ... but then, that's just it. She has been ranting about what her sister achieved... A sister who is a Philippine Military Academy graduate and now a Philippine Naval officer. Here I am sitting in front of her, one she considers a friend but it appears like she cannot see me. Her lips are moving just as fast as her thoughts... Ranting ... Oblivious of a presence. Claiming the space and the air... I can feel her anger... The air is starting to get bitter. "I can actually leave anybody now including Dan, I have no hesitations. I don't want anybody on my way when I want something ... I am tired of taking care of people ... ". Her words are cold. Her chest heaving like she just ran ...

As I leave my workstation that day, I realized that no matter how you ran away from your past, it always has a way of catching up with you. She may think that she left her past but she took it with her. Her anger and the bitterness are obviously from her past ...

It's the worst case scenario of someone who's trying to escape from the past. It eventually consumes the person and ends up empty. The past just hovers around and does not go away ... ever.

I just hope that she wakes up from her sleep... Now that she is talking to her sister for the first time in 15 years.

Your Laughter ...

Just want to share this moving poem by Pablo Neruda ...

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda