LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP by Emily Bronte

Love is like the wild rose-briar;
Friendship like the holly-tree.
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms,
But which will bloom most constantly?

The wild rose-briar is sweet in spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again,
And who will call the wild-briar fair?

Then, scorn the silly rose-wreath now,
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That, when December blights thy brow,
He still may leave thy garland green.

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Don't read between the lines. Take the poem as it is...

For my "conscience" ....

We have been friends for 15 years now. I cannot thank you enough for the things you did for me, honestly. But let me say this, I am happy for you. I absolutely have no objections when it comes to things (or people) that can make you happy. Do whatever it is that is being pushed by your mind and heart, don't hesitate... Miss you very much.

And I'm looking forward to meeting him...

The House ....

Usually, when I'm tired, I just go home, prop myself on a chair and turn on the tv, have something cold to drink near me and just waste my time away. I like going home to a house that's clean and cozy... I like it when I open up the door, I see the floor clean and the house smells sweet. This kind of house makes me want to go home always and makes me want to go lanay the whole day.

Now, a friend is moving in with us and the idea is cool... Wow! So there's going to be four people, sharing the whole house. Time to look for a bigger crib. But here comes the dilemma, finding the right house.

When I got here (to Cebu) a couple of years ago, me and two other friends actually had a hard time looking for a house to rent. You might think, why a house and why not just take a room ... Well, we do not want to share the toilet and bath. We want to "own" the place, make it personalized. We finally found our first "right" house and lived there for 6 months. We liked the house because it is just a ride away from where we work and the water supply is okay. Public utility jeepneys goes through our place 24 hours. Unfortunately, the place comes with a "bonus", four ghosts.... all of them elementals, one big hairy guy with a protruding belly and a smell that can turn your stomach upside down, a "white" couple and a fleeting wall shadow. All in one house... sometimes they will do their own apparitions alternately. Samok kaau... Saun!

We decided to move out. Don't get me wrong. We moved out not because of the ghosts but because we were starting to accumulate things and the house is started to drip.. Hmmm, drip is actually an understatement.. The house started to develop its own waterfalls inside. So everytime it will rain, torrents of water will fall from the ceiling and here I am, drenched and raving mad because the owner of the house is not doing anything to resolve the problem. I can live with ghosts, but water pouring down on you while you are sleeping is big deal. Ok! Time to look for another house.

We found this house with 2 bedrooms just several meters away from our first one. I liked the house personally because the floor is tiled and so easy to clean, nya nay gate. The sink is okay and we can actually cook because there are several windows (not like the first one that the only window existing was the bedroom window). And I also liked the rooms because they are big enough for 3 people. The bathroom is big too. We also find the rent reasonable so we decided to have the house. And the most important thing is, the house does not have its own waterfalls... Taw-an sad sya na house but manageable because it was just an earthbound spirit of a 10-13 year old girl. Ok, enough with the ghosts! We had the house exorcised and she disappeared and the house felt lighter. It's like the house is breathing freely again...

And again, since we're going to have a new housemate, we will need a bigger house this time, one with 3 bedrooms on it. Honestly, I still need to help them find a house (starting to feel bad that I cannot help them look for a house). They already went around looking for one (without me since I cannot go with them because I am on the day shift and my friends work at night), found more than a couple but we still have to find the right one.

It's going to be a new experience... A new house and a new housemate... Hmmm... Cool. I'm cool with a new housemate (right, Cole?) but I'm not sure with the new house. I think I'll need incense again.

Going Neruda .... I Do Not Love You

XVII (I do not love you...)


I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



A Pablo Neruda poem
translated by Stephen Tapscott

Morning breaks ....

I used to wake up to birds' chirping and branches swaying on my window. I had a big guava tree growing beside my bedroom window in our old house in Tacloban. I would find kingfishers and finches (don't know what type) taking shelter from the rain and from the heat of the sun on the tree. They will fly to and fro and it just warms my heart to see them. I will wake up at 5:30 in the morning and I would lie in bed just to watch them flying in and out of the tree. The house is still quiet at 6:30 A.M., though there are few people now on the street as I look out our sala window. I can smell the morning, still thick and a bit cold.

I need to have my dose of coffee. I would be stretching (still do it) as I walk to the kitchen to fix my coffee. Before I sit on my fave spot, I smell my coffee. Hmm... Just right. Then I sit beside the window overlooking the street. Everything is still calm. Provincial life is lazy and it drags you along with it. But it is something to look forward to when you are used to the hurly-burly of the city. You can really feel your muscles settling, just feel and look at things pass... Savoring the moment. Just like the wisp of smoke coming out of the cup of hot coffee, everything will soon "evaporate" and become the past. Then I ponder what happened last night...Did I had a good conversation with my siblings? Yes, I did and I still have their thoughts on mine... Did I do something good (just for the heck of doing it) last night? Yes, I cleaned my room of dust that had been accumulated for almost a year (when I could ask someone else to do it for me)... Did 'we' had a fight last night? Mmmm... I don't think so. All I know is I am looking forward to seeing you again, look into your eyes again, run my hands on your face again ...

"Set, you should still be in bed", said my mom as she sits beside me, dragging her chair closer. It's ok mom, I miss this that's why I'm up so early. Now, there are two coffeeholics staring out of the window. There are also an exchange of stories about people and events... Miss it too.

Everything's going to be ok. Morning breaks everything and start over again.

VIP rooms of regret .....

Is it alright to have VIP Rooms of Regret in our lives?

I know it's a bit late for me to post an article about my birthday. But I cannot shake off the thought that I just turned 30 and I still feel I need to do a lot of things before I say bye-bye (which I feel is going to be sooner than what I am expecting).

Nothing much happened on that day that I turned a new lease on my life... I spent the day with my migraine, received a gift (although I do not like getting gifts, I always anticipate things nga gikan niya, don't care if it's insy-weensy in size). And also spent the next day with my migraine too because it was our monthsary (just turned 5 months and still counting). I am happy with my migraine and this is just the way I want things to be.

My birthdate actually was the time that I started talking deeply with myself again. I can observe that my patience don't last a mile these days when I can normally endure a day of battering without getting ticked off. It's easy to blow my top off these days and honestly I cannot even find reasons for it.

Since my birthday, I had been talking to a friend (Macy, my own personal shrink,took psychology and struggled to reach the finish line) and she is suspecting that I'm either slowly sinking into depression or burning out... I'm not sure which of the two is happening (could be both) but nonetheless the thought that what I feel are symptoms of either of the two, is scary. I don't want to fall into depression again because I've been there and it's very ugly. Depressed people are in a way twisted and I know how that feels. I thought,oh no, not that way again. If I just feel that I'm burning out, it's going to be okay because I can just take a leave and immerse myself into oblivion and come back, start over again fresh. Sometimes, I would look at my migraine and think that I have a lot to thank for. I am lucky, yes I am.

So here's the question again... Is it alright to have VIP Rooms of Regret in our lives?

Life is too short to be spent on regrets (.......heard this line from my Abuelo) and it's just right that I don't give up on myself that easy. Ok! You can say it is easier said than done but hey, at least give it a good fight. I just refuse to be relegated to the background and wallow because I know I will not get anything from that. I need to be a friend to myself. Some people love me and I do not see any reason why I should not love "me"........ I apologize to those people who gets a taste of how blunt I can be, it's unintentional.

I can just hope that I can shake these ugly feelings off soon because its eating me up inside ... Ugly feelings are in for a good fight.