Hopeless

I may hurl jokes. I admit I make pranks just for the heck of it. But I don't belittle people... It's a mortal sin.

Before you say the other person is a moron, measure your intelligence first. How come he understood "it" right away and you didn't?

Before you say you are a "guy", shrug off your being a girl first. Isn't babbling a girl's trait?

Before you speak, make sure your mouth does not smell like a sock that has been worn for a week. It all boils down to the "intelligence". The mouth is just under the nose, but why is it that you were not able to smell the stink? Brain malfunction?

I can just guess. Hopeless me. A simpleton. Arghhh!

85

Are You in Love?

Your Love Score Is: 85

It's truly love. You have an amazing partner and a wonderful relationship. Your relationship isn't perfect, but you know how to work with each other to make it better. You both listen to one another, give freely, and do your best to make things work. While you have ups and downs like any other couple, you're good at getting through the bad times together. And although you find it easy to love your partner, you understand that lasting love doesn't come easily. You are both willing to give this relationship everything you have. And luckily, that's all it takes to make it work.

A letter each day ...

Yes, indeed... I have resumed my correspondence in the hope that I could obliterate what I feel in haste. With where I am, I tarry. With where I am, I could be found again.

Holding hands ...

Maayo pa sila... I guess all I can do now is wait.

Inner Blood Type ...

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

Your Inner Blood Type is AB!

Your personality is hard to define - you're very unconventional. And even if your personality could be defined, it would be completely different next week! Outgoing and shy, sensitive and thoughtless, you tend to have a very split personality. This makes you unpredictable. You can be a total angel - and a total devil. You are most compatible with: everyone! Famous Type AB's: Jackie Chan and Marilyn Monroe

US economic meltdown, another 'Depression' in the making... from an American point of view

I am really surprised by the somewhat complacent attitude that people have towards the recent Wall Street meltdown, and collapse of many parts of our financial systems. People now clearly see that Wall Street is in trouble, but I don't think that people yet see that the next shoe to drop will be for the crisis to hit main street. As the stock values continue to slide, companies will first stop hiring, and then they will begin to lay people off. As people lose their jobs, fewer and fewer people have money to buy things. As they spend less, companies make even less money, their stocks slide further, and then more people are laid off. This is the terrible spiral we are about to enter, and it will be almost impossible to predict how far down it goes before it hits bottom. I can, however, predict how I see the crisis unfolding.

The government, and the people, now are seeing that we have a very significant problem. The approach that the government is taking, with the support of the people, is to solve the problem by throwing money at it, and moving the country to a socialistic system. For example, when the economy first started to slide, the government's first response was a stimulus package that sent money out to everyone. This was silly. We have a terrible national debt, and our economy got in trouble due to too much spending and not enough savings. So what do we do? We encourage everyone to spend more. When this did not fix the problem, and in fact made the problem worse, the next thing we did was to start bailing out companies in trouble. At the same time as we are bailing out failed companies with failed management, that same management was receiving obscene bonuses and other compensation. Now we learn that much of the $1 Trillion bailout package will be used to buy equity in the failing banks. This is by definition socialism . . . government ownership of public companies. As the financial system continues to fail, there is now talk of another stimulus package.

It is clear that our approach to the problem, which was caused by too much spending and too much credit, is to throw more money at it. Presently, our National Debt is funded primarily by foreigners. Over 60% is held by foreign entities, much of it by countries like China, which might not actually be our friends. I imagine that very soon these entities will realize that we are in danger of not being able to service our debt and deficit, and that the only way for us to continue to operate is to monetize the debt (print money to pay it off). Just as we saw panic selling in stocks recently, we will see panic selling in treasuries. The US government will no longer be able to fund its operation and debt obligations, and they will do what they have always done . . . print more money. As this happens we will experience hyperinflation at a level unseen in our history.

I believe that this will lead to a new Great Depression, and the human suffering in the new Great Depression will be far worse than the last Great Depression. The reason is that in the last depression, there was some manner of social order in the country. If a man was hungry, he might try to steal your chicken in order to feed his family. He would probably not riot, burn, and pillage a shopping center. If we look at the response of people to various events in the last few years, we see that it does not take much to set people off into rioting and pillaging mode.

So, what should we do? Well, I have more or less given up on the government doing the right thing, so I think we as individuals need to be as prepared as possible. I am not a crazy survivalist. I think it is silly to buy a generator, or store food in the back yard. I think that there are some rational things that you can do. First, as a working person, are you doing a job that is really needed by society? It is like a huge game of musical chairs . . . when the music stops, will you have a chair? I believe that in any scenario, society will need and pay nurses, teachers, policemen, and those that manufacture needed goods like food, energy, or medicine. I think that if I were a salesman at Best Buy, a car salesman, worked at a health club or other such things, I would be concerned. If you work somewhere that offers goods or services which are not absolutely necessary, I would try and retrain and find a "mission critical" job as quickly as possible. The second advice I would give is to drastically reduce spending, and if you are in debt, get out of debt as quickly as possible. Downsize in what you are spending. Save more, give more, and re-evaluate what you consider to be a necessity. I would do things now like cancel cable TV, fire the maid, stop the health club subscription, stop manicures, mow your own grass, stop buying electronic gadgets, and re-evaluate plans for your children's college . . . can they attend a local university, and live at home?

I am not trying to frighten people, but based on my analysis, I am concerned that the economy has crossed the tipping point, and things will get much worse before they get better. Be prepared, and refocus on the things that matter . . . family, faith, and friends.
=============

Author is unknown but you can check out http://old-photos.blogspot.com/, author just use the initials PJM ...

New Days ...

Such blatant irony ... But then, it's how the cycle goes... So, why is everyone holding back?

Laughter for the Heart

I was trying to look for something on the net when I found something that really made my day. You might want to brighten up your day too... here's the link: http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/kids_thoughts_on_love ... Enjoy reading!

A not so ordinary year ...

I was not actually expecting it will work and stay on for this long. I just made sure that I did my best with all the things I do... making sure that I do things out of what I feel and not expect anything in return. I am just living my life the way I want to live it. And with that I have more joy...

You are right, I have changed. When it was just me, it was all about me. My time, my effort, my concerns, my thoughts, etc. are all for me. But I love the way I am now because I have a lot more to offer.

Yes, I have changed. I don't usually laugh at small things. Now, things that remind me of you make me smile. Things that remind me of you are small things but they are powerful enough to lift me up when I feel trashy.

It's been a year now... It could have been another year. It could have been an ordinary year. Thanks to you, it has been extraordinary.

What Boredom does ...

While waiting for my vampire to finish her work at the cemetery, I got bored. A lot of things went inside my mind ... hmmm... eat.... hmmm ... escalations...wait! I'm done with escalations. Hmm... will update my blog.

I'll just write about my 7 pet peeves (in no particular order) ...

1. Dirty nails .... Grrrrr! Can you just cut your finger so that you will not have nails to mind. So gross! A nail clipper is not that expensive. Just so you'll know...

2. Unwashed dishes ... It really pisses me off when I see dirty dishes on the sink. WHY? WHY?... You are asking me why? Because it is a magnet for crawling creatures (rodents, ants, bugs, worms, etc...). I am not squeamish (most people I know are but have no right to be... ), I just do not want to be devoting my time crushing crawling things manually. Sometimes I do the darnedest things when I see crawling creatures and the worst is I could burn the house down. So as much as possible I keep the sink empty and clean.

3. Clutter ... is a very good indication that the occupant is a slob. The more clutter the room has, pinaka-slob na jud to sya to the nth power... Oh! And another thing, you cannot actually move well if the place is cluttered because you might accidentally touch or move something that's toxic (well, toxic na sya because dugay na man na xa na kalat diha, so ang mga germs nag-mutate na...). Sheesh! Even my laundry is folded. Tsk tsk tsk ...


4. Cramped spaces like elevators ... I'm claustrophobic. I will feel my world spin when I ride an elevator. Plus, the little girl who is barefoot is always there, she tugs at my bag sometimes. If only everyone can see her ...

5. Got stood-up or late ... Sabot gani, sabot! Unless hapit naka mamatay, maligis, or you went on a loo-hopping spree (isanitize ... euphemism dayon!) or basin really nakalimot jud ka kay napakong imong agtang sa pader (nganong napakong man sad?) ... If that thing happens, a escribo de aviso should be sent. Text lang po an hour before the agreed time, saying that you cannot come on time because of certain inevitable circumstances. Just so, that I could stop waiting and save myself precious time and effort.

6. Mga tawo na manluwa ... Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Can you just swallow it please. You could raise Yersinia Pistis from the dead. Do you need water? I can get water for you ...

7. Show-off ... Ackh! Save me. Worms will eat what you have anyway... I'd rather sleep.


Yey! My vampire is out of the cemetery ... I smell blood. Let me check her loot. :)

Plain sham ...

Someone once told me, "If it's an external source that gives you self-esteem, you can be sure it's counterfeit. Trying to live up to society's standards is one of the most powerful contributors to a false sense of self-worth."

It actually makes sense since measuring up to a certain standard alters your character, making you not "you". It's altered, almost adulterated.... Everyone is just like a body of water. On the surface it may appear barren and uninteresting. Under it lies a lot, your "self". It takes a lot of courage to take a plunge or even just test the waters, if you know what I mean.. What I see is you are trying to fit in. So now, convince me you are not COUNTERFEIT.

Boohoo ...

Stars and rooftops...

Haven't been writing lately and I know it would be easier to blame it on work (big grin...). Not been thinking too much too since I went home and got back here. I go home every after my shift tired but the feeling that I have someone to go home to unloads half of my stress. There had been shuffling at the office and also new appointees were named, somehow pictures (perhaps people...) are now falling into the right places. From an observer's point, changes here are for the better... I still get to smile (or scoff...) on stupid customers who does not know how to use their computer, moreover configure it's settings (... and they hail their country as a superpower, hehehe). Just happy that I do not have hang-ups with anybody. I can sleep well and wake up without guilts. I have peace of mind and I just don't know why. All I know is I'm loved. I'll still be looking at stars on my rooftop on a clear (and even cloudy...) sky.

On being 40 ...

They say that love is overrated .. Perhaps, yes. Just think that you cannot mold gold into something very pretty and exquisite if you do not heat it to melt it.

I am excited to go home on the 19th. It is my parent's 40th wedding anniversary on the 20th of this month and I heard that they want to renew their vows.

According to my dad, their marriage was not one made from heaven. Everyone in the clan knows that my mom is really tough, they say she's a real pain in the ass, stubborn and a bully. Through my Lola's story I learned that my mom's playmates will go home with their noses bleeding or their clothes torn after a fight. Stories that I do not actually believe because she is one soft person to me, very compassionate, caring and thoughtful. She gets us all four of her kids ready for school in a couple of hours (with the aid of my dad of course, he handles the cooking while my mom does all the school work and the clothes). Plus she has to work to send all of us to school.

My Lola told me that when my dad was asking for my mom's hand in marriage, Lola told my dad that Constance (my mom) is one tough nut to crack, oftentimes pushy and very stubborn. My Lola asked him if he can handle that. My dad still said yes...

For my dad, it is with my mom that he felt that it is time to stop running around. He loves my mom and he decided that he will spend the rest of his life with this woman... To make the story short, my dad experienced all what Lola told him about my mom. After giving birth, my mom will do nothing. All household chores are relegated to my dad for 4 months. He washes all the clothes (including diapers that has baby poop on it), cooks and cleans the house while my mom takes care of the baby. My mom said she did not hear any complains from my dad. Well, maybe it was his decision to take care of all the things that needs to be done inside the house. Nobody told him to .... he just did. They almost broke up but decided to get back together. My dad said he cannot leave my mom because he cannot imagine himself growing old without her... My dad got hospitalized and was diagnosed with acute lymphoma. My mom never left his side.

Until now I still see them tickling each other (at the kitchen) or their eyes will meet and they'll both smile. They still eat together nya dugay mahuman ang dinner or lunch kay nagtabi pa silang duha, giggling while talking.... My dad is 67 and mom is 64.

I have three siblings and we grew up complete. The girls and the youngest guy have mom's temperament. My kuya has my dad's soft character.... If I need to say something to my Nanay and Tatay, that would be Thank You...... because I am whole.

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men… by Aileen Endaya

1. A man won’t let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hang up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn’t guard him enough or you didn’t make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn’t have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your “supposedly” perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you’d go for a guy. It’s perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it’s worth it. And it’s worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don’t be scared that he’ll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It’s a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it’s the guy who’s calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it’s a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can (*wink*).

Also, do not believe him when he says it’s just the way he really is. He’s not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can’t get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can’t leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl’s man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don’t be afraid to be single.

It’s fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn’t give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don’t be a nagger. Don’t hinder his gimmicks. Don’t give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don’t be easy. Don’t be like every other girl he had in his life.

========

Thanks to Jeby Dayola...

Sin... A discussion with a mouse

A tumid thing to talk about because who is without it... Aye! The first sentence is a statement, no intentions whatsoever, hidden or otherwise, to make it interrogative in a manner or so implicitly as with the subject itself. Now, straight to the discussion with a clown, or a mouse, not sure eh ... I am sorry he seems disfigured that I cannot make up what form he is taking, albeit I can see him standing in front of me. Weird isn't it? I am affirmative into saying that I am not intoxicated, nauseous or suffering from any maladie that could hinder my mind from functioning with logic. I can assure you that I am prudent and this article I owe to the clown or the mouse or whatever he is, though I need prodding to write this discussion (pray, hear me that it was not a discussion, as it appears to me for it was just him who's babbling..) down. For whatever reason he made this discussion, I honestly cannot fathom .

He said (holding the Bible ...) under Proverbs 6:16-19, it is stated that "These six things doth the Lord hate:yea, seven are an abomination unto him.." Here it is as enumerated:
= (17) A proud look
= a lying tongue
= and hands that shed innocent blood
=(18) A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations
= feet that be swift in running to mischief
= (19) A false witness that speaketh lies,
= and he that soweth discord among brethren.

He further added that there is no where in the Bible where the traditional deadly "seven sins' are located or listed, but a given that they are all condemned in various parts along with several others. The only one clear thing in the Bible is that there is only one cardinal sin, an act that disobeys God's law that separates man from a perfect God, placing him in need of redemption and salvation. In another article by Dante Alighieri, basing his thoughts on St. Thomas Aquinas dissertation (the mouse or clown does not want to name the literature where this so-called dissertation is included...), hubris or vanity (pride) is considered as the most serious of the seven deadly sins. The need to feel more important than the others. Dante's definition for pride is stated as "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbor."

The clown ... er ... mouse, whatsoever, further now into the discussion cited Bishop Gianfranco Girotti's (head of the Apostolic Penitentiary of the Vatican..) seven modern sins : environmental pollution, obscene wealth, infliction of poverty, drug trafficking, morally debatable experiments, and the violation of the fundamental rights of human nature. There is also a new set of sins in the book of Galatians (5:21 of the New Testament): envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like, as I have told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. The list of the so-called deadly sins is getting longer and longer. I am getting wheezy now.

Whoah...Stop, please hold your thoughts, I told the mouse .. or the clown, whatever.... just what are you trying to insinuate? I asked him ...

He just smiled and blurted a question (instead of an answer) ... Who proposes the criteria of sin? ... I said people.
He laughed ... And to who do you think these criteria are imposed on? ... I said on people...

Then he gave me a toothy grin ... He has become more like a clown now that he is grinning... He stood up laughing and took his leave... His laugh echoing along the walls wherein landscape paintings hang.

haunted people ....

She seemed to be suspended in eerie silence. All walled up in a world that is vast yet empty... Walls she herself made. Hoping to drown the loud crack of lighting outside and rain. It's just so dark ... so dark.

She ran away when she was just 14. Left a home that is cold and has never been like a home to her. Lived in the city and tried her best to live the life she wanted. Living on money sent by an aunt. She made ends meet by skipping meals and walking from a rented place to her school. She went to college and finished her major. Made friends and loved a guy. Now she can't even remember her mom's face...

She has a sister... biologically they were sisters ... but then, that's just it. She has been ranting about what her sister achieved... A sister who is a Philippine Military Academy graduate and now a Philippine Naval officer. Here I am sitting in front of her, one she considers a friend but it appears like she cannot see me. Her lips are moving just as fast as her thoughts... Ranting ... Oblivious of a presence. Claiming the space and the air... I can feel her anger... The air is starting to get bitter. "I can actually leave anybody now including Dan, I have no hesitations. I don't want anybody on my way when I want something ... I am tired of taking care of people ... ". Her words are cold. Her chest heaving like she just ran ...

As I leave my workstation that day, I realized that no matter how you ran away from your past, it always has a way of catching up with you. She may think that she left her past but she took it with her. Her anger and the bitterness are obviously from her past ...

It's the worst case scenario of someone who's trying to escape from the past. It eventually consumes the person and ends up empty. The past just hovers around and does not go away ... ever.

I just hope that she wakes up from her sleep... Now that she is talking to her sister for the first time in 15 years.

Your Laughter ...

Just want to share this moving poem by Pablo Neruda ...

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Grateful ...

1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else.

2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes because that means she is at home & not on the streets.

3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

5. For the clothes that fit a little too tight because it means I have enough to eat.

6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home.

8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.

9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbors because it means that I can hear.

11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.

13. For the arguments because it means that I can still think.

14. For the times that I get to wait for someone because it means that I am not late.

14. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.

======

Thanks to Van for sharing ...

People I miss ...

Friends that I miss (in no particular order) ...

Laarni B.
- miss her smile that reminds me of Cameron Diaz
- she laughs hard and sleeps hard...
- the girl in the barkada that has the most suitors

Maricris C.
- I miss her chinky eyes na mawala once she smiles or laughs
- I like looking at her hair, dili xa black kau. It was brown and fine.

Alma A.
- My bestfriend in the whole wide world!
- I really laugh hard whenever I'm with this girl. She is very funny that you'd end up with a painful stomach and cheeks.
- I miss seeing her eat like a guy. I think she has compartments in her stomach, just like a cow's stomach.
- I miss eating ice cream with her. We eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting just for kicks. Wala lang trip lang gud... hehehe
- Afflicted with "autism" just like me...
- this girl introduced me to Shakira and Bond (the violin girls quartet)

Marilie H.
- I miss her kakikayan, the bangles and the bangs.
- I miss her novels. Romance and Nancy Drew novels which I totally love.

Bernice H.
- I miss her feisty mouth. She may have a frail body but mataray ning bayhana. She fights for me even if she is smaller than me ...

Marty L.
- My track buddy who became my mentor in the field.

Macy J.
- My personal shrink. She helps me become a bit more sane.

Abigail V.
- First Tagalog person I understood. It's not I don't understand Tagalog, I just don't like hearing it kay murag hambug sya ug dating.
- First person who called me BALIW. But loves me nonetheless.

Abby G.
- Miss our Beverly Hills 90210 exchange of views. I still have the card you gave me for my birthday, can't remember though where I put it.. hehehe

Polding S.
- One of my bestfriends.. Miss your lugaw with tinap-an flakes. But guess he doesn't like me the way I am because I haven't heard of him for 3 years now.Hmmpft!

Victor T.
- Miss this guy's gross jokes. I got my pranks from him.

Pagay B.
- Miss this guy's antics with girls, can't help but smile because even if he already looks stupid he'll hold his ground for as long as he can.

Malee
- Miss my buddy... Babaero but sincere.
- Daghan syag wallet and each wallet has a picture of a girl. He makes sure that he brings the right wallet when he goes out to dates... hehehe.

Beth R.
- Malee's great love.
- Love her cooking, specially her adobo.
- Mother to 3 wonderful kids.

Jundy
- My adopted brother
- Weakness is girls
- First guy I know who gets teary eyed whenever he sees his wife. He gets teary eyed daw because he cannot believe that he is the husband of this wonderful girl. CHAR!

Jimmy L.
- Thank you for catching me from that very high drop bro.
- I miss your contagious laughter and the coffee.
- I miss your punches on my sides too.


Wherever you may be guys (and gals), you still cross my mind and I just hope that we can get to meet sometime and do the things that we love doing.

Delicadeza

Got to work almost late today and was racing my ugly butt down the floor to get to my workstation fast.I felt good because I was able to clock in at exactly 12noon.I opened my tools and since cannot open this one tool again, I changed my gateway.

I was already settled on my cube,when a personal message came up. Hmm ... Since when did Cindy send me a personal message? Di ba she is in the States? There could be something wrong ... "Seth, musta? Haven't heard from you in such a long time..." The cursor was flashing. Told her I'm doing good but asked her if she is in the U.S. She said yes. She said that they are graduating from culinary school this fall and might come back to Tacloban for a quick vacation on November or December...

Cindy is a close friend of Andi. They go to gym together, play bowling together, exchange cars ...

She asked why have I distanced myself from Andi which appears like waray pa ko ka-get over. I found the question too straightforward but nonetheless good because I can clarify myself and come out clean.Told her ka-get over naman ko. I just have so much respect to the person I am involved with now, it's just pure delicadeza.

It's just sad that not too many people have that...

Grumpy me ...

I didn't actually understand what I felt. I just wanted something and it turned out I am being selfish.

These are one of the few times that I hate myself... for being so touchy... for being so clingy... for being so tactless ...

for being so inconsiderate...

Yeah.. I am ashamed of myself. The tears you shed became my slap and knew instantly that I ruined your morning. It should have been a very gorgeous morning...

but I ruined it.

For that, I am sorry.

Of Seasons ...

As I was clearing my files, i came across this picture of a tree. The picture looks so sad. On the middle of a wide green space, it's the only thing that stands. It has been witness to the passing of seasons. Though it may appear withered and slowly living it's last days, I think it's life has not been sad and solitary. The sky, the sun and the ground are there to give the tree it's needs ... So can I totally say that it lived it's life with resignation and contentment?

Hope you heard the story about the phoenix.

Faith Hill - Breathe (Video)

feel good video ...

posting this song as it was requested ...



I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And i've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When i'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

CHORUS:
Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
And suddenly i'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby, all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's suppose to be
I can feel you breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than i've ever felt before
And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

CHORUS:

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way...

Walk me home ...

Nice sunset eh? Yes ... But you'd appreciate the place more during the day. To life, I think you know what I mean...

I had been raring to go home since I left my town last January of this year ... I want to go back home not because I need to unwind and catch up with the latest news in our place, but to have a date with my doctor ... I am scared, yes. But not long enough the sun will shine through these clouds and I will be unburdened.



And finally my walk home ... I hope. After being scared, after being anxious, I will find my way home. Please tarry awhile and walk me home.

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Thanks to Mark Dominic for the photos....
Photos: Surf Camp in Calicoan Island

On 8 ...

According to an article in Wikipedia, the word for "eight" in Chinese (Pinyin: bā) sounds similar to the word which means "prosper" or "wealth" (发 - short for "发财", Pinyin: fā). In regional dialects the words for "eight" and "fortune" are also similar, eg Cantonese "baat" and "faat".

There is also a resemblance between two digits, "88", and the shuang xi ('double joy'), a popular decorative design composed of two stylized characters 喜 (xi, 'joy', 'happiness')

Positive: Materialism, strength, tenacious, capacity for focused and sustained effort.

Negative: Ruthless, no thought for others, guilt ridden, bad luck.

In Chinese numerology, eight is the number of material success or failure. The number of Karma. Eight has to work hard, and often needs to do the same thing over before success is achieved. The Eight is a strong number, with the will, focus and drive to achieve its goals.Expressing its feelings doesn't come easy to the Eight, and it needs to avoid ill-health brought on by stress. Eight is a fine number, and often misunderstood by others less powerful than itself.
In Greek numerology, the number 8 represents power and sacrifice.

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My abuelo told me that eight is an auspicious number since it's a number whose lines don't end, no cuts anywhere to end it. It's almost resembling a cycle, it goes up and it goes down and goes up again. But nonetheless he considers it lucky (it represents power, fortune and prosperity). But let's get real first... Power, fortune and prosperity? Nah! I'm not wishing much... Maybe a little wealth and health will be good enough.

Let's be more personal here .... hehehe

Reaching eight was never easy. There had been a lot of creased edges that had been ironed out, though some of those creases are still there. And I think no matter how hard we iron out those wrinkled edges, they're going to stay there to add flavor to the face of the quilt. The patches on this quilt has different colors, making sure that it serves the purpose of the quilt (which is to provide warmth) and also compliment the personality of the users.

Expressing feelings was not that hard. Though, there was always reserve in the way these feelings were passed through, subdued but present. There's tenacity even on the down low like gold beaten to airy thinness.

Looking back, it has been a crazy journey in making this quilt. It has been eight now. A lot more to go, more colors and more days to make this quilt worth having. We got cut only to be sewn again. It's not just us who made this quilt. Time helped us. Friends (errrr... and those who are not) did their share too. They deserve the warmest "thank you".

I guess, nous avons la chance en effet. Eight opens up the gate to nine and ten and so on and so forth. I'll hang on to this quilt now since I do not know what will happen in the future. One thing is sure, this quilt will warm my heart for years and years transcending eight.

The Dream ...

I admit, the place is really pretty. The sand is so fine that it feels like you are walking on velvet. I can feel the waves' soft movements, constantly lapping on my calves. The sun is slowly going down the horizon and the sky is turning hazy red and tangerine. Where could he be? Less people are on the beach now, mostly just combing the shoreline to unload their worries, bending occasionally to pick up something on the sand that they fancy... Maybe I should think less too.. I can feel the cold winds now, blowing my hair away from my face. The chill, something unwanted, but somehow I want more of it.

Where could he be? I have been sitting on this spot for 3 hours now, with someone to keep me company, his hands on my knees, talking, being silly, empty talk, unsure answers to open ended questions, no more questions please, uh-oh, he shot another one, cannot find an answer, my mind, it's floating somewhere ... somewhere else, it's with him. Wind, can you do me a favor?... Can you please carry me to him, wherever he may be ... Then I felt a finger tracing my arm then a saw a smile... Sorry, I need to go.

I struggled up the dunes with no sure footing, with his hand on my hips, then there you are staring at me, with that betrayed look on your face... I felt a hand hit me flat on my cheek, I spat but I can still taste my blood... It is not what you think it is... Eyes, open.. Slit eyed ... A bit dark ... Chest heaving, I'm losing ....No, no. Losing you, no! ... My hand scanned for something to hold ... Yeah, my bed ... Yeah, a dream... Breathe hard, settle... breathe easy now ...

Eyes slowly adapting to the dimness of the room, a form beside me, his head on my chest ... A familiar scent. O God, I thought I lost you.. You opened up your eyes and hugged me closer. You stared at something I cannot see, then you looked at me straight ... You said you just had a dream, in your dream you broke up with me ... Saw me with someone on the pool, careless, uncaring, not mindful ... You said you were hurt ... You said you were shamed ... You were still saying something when I touched your cheek to pull your head closer, but I felt water trickling down my palm ... Tears ...

Tears for my blood ... and the dreams .. we shared almost the same dream ... a trick! Or is it? I don't even care ... I think you know.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND ... From Phil

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail..

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate


========


Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'I Thought You Loved Me.exe' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

About being YOU... About being ME

Adlai Stevenson:

I think that one of our most important tasks is to convince others that there's nothing to fear in difference; that difference, in fact, is one of the healthiest and most invigorating of human characteristics without which life would become meaningless. Here lies the power of the liberal way: not in making the whole world Unitarian [Universalist], but in helping ourselves and others to see some of the possibilities inherent in viewpoints other than one's own; in encouraging the free interchange of ideas; in welcoming fresh approaches to the problems of life; in urging the fullest, most vigorous use of critical self-examination.

I always find it funny when a friend I haven't seen in such a long time will tell me I have changed. A smirk will just appear on my face and tell them it's not true. I'm the same person. Just got fat... hehehe.... I may be a bit different but that little kid who used to throw slippers into a can and who had no hair until she turned 3 years old, is still the same kid.... Er... not a kid anymore but I assure you, I am still who I used to be.

I bumped into a friend who I haven't seen in a long while. We were all smiles and set a date because we have a lot of catching up to do. We were both eager to patch up the gap between us. Over dinner, she was looking at me like I had 3 heads. To be honest, we did not like each other to start with (we were high school freshmen when we first met). We talked about a lot of things over dinner (an early dinner), mostly about how things went through in high school and college, sharing laughs and old anecdotes about our teachers and classmates. Old issues resurfaced and here we are, hating each other over again. We lost the smiles on our faces and the air became tensed. She hated me for being laid back. I hated her for being so stiff. She hated me for being tolerant (she said tolerant people are prone to abuse). I hated her for being a skeptic. The meeting ended sour. She hated me for being this and that. I hated her for comparing me to her. What's written should not just be black and white. Everything everyone sees and feels have reasons. I cannot be you and you can't be me and that's it. And it's unnecessary for someone to just walk away because there is this vast facade between us that does not fit the picture (or for her, does not fit her standards for a misc en scene).

Everyone should take pride in his/her own being different. Variety is never boring. What's important is self-examination. You have to be your own critic and not of others because people lead lives, their own lives that is. One way or another, you are going to get tired of them not behaving the way you want them to and in the process get frustrated and walk out. Question is, did you get something out of it?

How about let's just co-exist? I will see things around you and you'll tell me what you see around me... That way, I'm getting something and so are you. You and me coexisting. We may not be the picture but we are part of the picture. Our friendship can be very beautiful if we just apply understanding, compassion and introspection on it. Pure friendship is not that complicated if you'll just let it be.

"Long Calls and Long Distance "

As I was browsing through a friend's blog, I stumbled into something interesting,though the title was not that catchy (LONG DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR),and it's overused. I've had a long distance relationship once, (the person was away for 2 months) but I admit that it is not actually enough to test what we have because we were just barely into our second month. I am sure about what I feel, but I was not so sure if I can deal with the distance. Honestly, I am a touchy person. I want to feel the other person inside my arms and I draw comfort from that. I'll just quote her blog as we try to 'disect' her points.

A quote from the blog:

...... Today, we hardly have any excuse not to be able to communicate, what with all the unlimited texting and unlimited phone calls and all the sorts available in the telecommunications business. In short, just as long distance communication isn't as costly as before compared to the cheap means of communicating now, long distance relationships aren't as impossible to keep as compared before.
So why is it that most long distance relationships still doesn't work?

All means of communication now has become cheaper, yes. It's not good to blame the distance as the culprit for a failed relationship. So if a long distance relationship is not working, I'd blame the persons involved. Even under tight circumstances, if the persons involved in that relationship, are willing to work, they believe and make things happen according to how they want it to be, then everything will be ok. Now, I'm not saying that everything will be "smooth-ok". There will be times that sacrifices are necessary and even if you give up something, it will not give you the results that you were expecting. I've heard friends say that it's tiring to be keeping up with the distance because you have to make phone calls, write letters (pwede sad email, hehehe...) and I admit that you do have to spend your time, effort and money to close out the distance. And sometimes, your phone conversations don't end well (you fought over something) , or dugay abot imong snail mail (snail lagi so madugay jud na...) or imong email was redirected back to the sender. Frustrating, isn't it?

Quote na sad (some lines are edited to paraphase points):

..... lack of communication was the primary factor why these (sic...long distance relationship) kinds of relationships fall apart. We still hear lots of troubled hearts looking for answers why they lost their love. Some are asking why the person they loved the most don't love them anymore and still others ask why they are beginning to fall for someone else.Doesn't this make us realize that love is not just a matter of being able to communicate after all? We are still experiencing the same problems now as we did before, thinking that the barrier in the communication process was the main culprit in broken relationships.

So, let's establish as part of the argument that the lack of communication (not the distance) is the primary factor why long distance relationships fail. Hmmm... Yes, you know that you are on the other island, that a body of water (hmm... duh... island lagi) is between you and you can really feel the weight of his/her abscence and then you feel like your head is spinning and your stomach is starting to get upset (over na ni.. OA). How about if you just think of how things were when you were together? Just think of how her pinches hurt or how his underarm stinks ... hehehe... kidding. Anyway, maybe he/she left you something,say, hmm.. like accesories, a ballpen perhaps, an old sticky note. It's something you can touch. You were in his/her mind when he/she gave it, so it's like giving a part of oneself. Be happy (and contented) with what you have. Don't look at the things that you don't have because sakit lang sa buot.

Personally, I have to learn how to be contented with what I have too, letters niya and some pictures. I heard one friend say may rason kun kayano hiya mabalik ha iya hometown (there is a reason daw)... Yeah, the reason is that I need to be taught how to be happy with just my memories, the memories that I've made with the other person. My memories became my food, it fed my hunger. My memories also became my air, it keeps be breathing. My memories became my motivation in waking up and make some more memories. It was hard at first but it became natural eventually, and before I know it, we were talking hours (3-4 hours) on the phone.It also holds true with your memories of home, my memories of home is what makes me grounded, me being me. My memories are my sanctuary. It's where I cower just in case things start to fall apart (luckily we're still together).

My point is, to erase the distance, for you to feel that the other person is real, you'll have to believe in what you feel, breathe it and feel it. Now, you will not see the distance anymore, and time, effort and money will not matter . Everything has become natural and you'll always find a way.

Another quote from the blog (na naman):

....... I figured out the hard part is searching for the one person who would actually believe that you two can make it and respect you for your views. It's amazing how true love changes the perspective of a person. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not really one to say it with a period much more an exclamation point at the end of this sentence but I am quite sure I have had my share of long distance relationships and somehow I've figured out how it might just work.So how is it possible for long distance relationships to work if only one of the parties believe in it? It takes two to tango as the old saying goes.

Good point! Both parties should believe that you can make it, and both should be willing to work on it, though both of you stand on opposite extremes (but still love each other all the more for it... according to Jenny). Effort is needed to keep the line of communication between you open, constant effort that is. If everything for you has become natural, you will not see the effort you did. I'm just so lucky enough that I have found someone who believed in me and willing to make things work.

Now, back to my other world. :)

LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP by Emily Bronte

Love is like the wild rose-briar;
Friendship like the holly-tree.
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms,
But which will bloom most constantly?

The wild rose-briar is sweet in spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again,
And who will call the wild-briar fair?

Then, scorn the silly rose-wreath now,
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That, when December blights thy brow,
He still may leave thy garland green.

---0---0---0---

Don't read between the lines. Take the poem as it is...

For my "conscience" ....

We have been friends for 15 years now. I cannot thank you enough for the things you did for me, honestly. But let me say this, I am happy for you. I absolutely have no objections when it comes to things (or people) that can make you happy. Do whatever it is that is being pushed by your mind and heart, don't hesitate... Miss you very much.

And I'm looking forward to meeting him...

The House ....

Usually, when I'm tired, I just go home, prop myself on a chair and turn on the tv, have something cold to drink near me and just waste my time away. I like going home to a house that's clean and cozy... I like it when I open up the door, I see the floor clean and the house smells sweet. This kind of house makes me want to go home always and makes me want to go lanay the whole day.

Now, a friend is moving in with us and the idea is cool... Wow! So there's going to be four people, sharing the whole house. Time to look for a bigger crib. But here comes the dilemma, finding the right house.

When I got here (to Cebu) a couple of years ago, me and two other friends actually had a hard time looking for a house to rent. You might think, why a house and why not just take a room ... Well, we do not want to share the toilet and bath. We want to "own" the place, make it personalized. We finally found our first "right" house and lived there for 6 months. We liked the house because it is just a ride away from where we work and the water supply is okay. Public utility jeepneys goes through our place 24 hours. Unfortunately, the place comes with a "bonus", four ghosts.... all of them elementals, one big hairy guy with a protruding belly and a smell that can turn your stomach upside down, a "white" couple and a fleeting wall shadow. All in one house... sometimes they will do their own apparitions alternately. Samok kaau... Saun!

We decided to move out. Don't get me wrong. We moved out not because of the ghosts but because we were starting to accumulate things and the house is started to drip.. Hmmm, drip is actually an understatement.. The house started to develop its own waterfalls inside. So everytime it will rain, torrents of water will fall from the ceiling and here I am, drenched and raving mad because the owner of the house is not doing anything to resolve the problem. I can live with ghosts, but water pouring down on you while you are sleeping is big deal. Ok! Time to look for another house.

We found this house with 2 bedrooms just several meters away from our first one. I liked the house personally because the floor is tiled and so easy to clean, nya nay gate. The sink is okay and we can actually cook because there are several windows (not like the first one that the only window existing was the bedroom window). And I also liked the rooms because they are big enough for 3 people. The bathroom is big too. We also find the rent reasonable so we decided to have the house. And the most important thing is, the house does not have its own waterfalls... Taw-an sad sya na house but manageable because it was just an earthbound spirit of a 10-13 year old girl. Ok, enough with the ghosts! We had the house exorcised and she disappeared and the house felt lighter. It's like the house is breathing freely again...

And again, since we're going to have a new housemate, we will need a bigger house this time, one with 3 bedrooms on it. Honestly, I still need to help them find a house (starting to feel bad that I cannot help them look for a house). They already went around looking for one (without me since I cannot go with them because I am on the day shift and my friends work at night), found more than a couple but we still have to find the right one.

It's going to be a new experience... A new house and a new housemate... Hmmm... Cool. I'm cool with a new housemate (right, Cole?) but I'm not sure with the new house. I think I'll need incense again.